First and foremost, I better confess that I have nothing especially noteworthy to say today. Alright then. Now that that’s out of the way… I’ll just quickly rant about the weird “why can’t we just be friends” conversations that have recurred a bit more often than not these past few days.
Oh dear…. is it just me or does anyone else want to scream out loud to a certain person “Dude, don’t you get it? I said I just want to be friends! Good old platonic, no strings attached friends… nothing more!”
But they don’t get it, do they? That nothing they say or do can change your mind and regardless of how many times they ask the question, “what do you want from me?”, the answer will always remain, “I just want to be friends” and perhaps in addition to that “I also wish you’d accept that fact and be my friend with no hidden agenda or walk away if you can’t withstand the heartache of being just friends yet always wanting more”. In fact, to be completely honest with you, I’m totally uninterested in being your friend but since you are hell bent on lurking around, out of the goodness of my heart, I will offer some of my attention.
Sucks right? Yeah… I know… I’ve been there too.
Only a few things are more uncomfortable than hanging out with someone who keeps trying to “take things to the next level”. Especially after making it crystal clear that romance is not on the menu. However, if you insist on hanging around and listening to me rant about my ex-boyfriend and next-boyfriend drama, well… here’s some popcorn!
So I hung out with him a couple of times, I’m courteous to him, I even go out of my way to be nice to him sometimes. However, I don’t want to cross the line. I just want to be friends. That doesn’t make me a bitch. I’m just a very nice girl who probably likes him but for some reason, it just doesn’t feel right.
My homeboy just doesn’t get it. I have engraved the writings on the wall a couple of times, with high hopes that he’ll get the message and act accordingly. Guys usually get pissed off by that, don’t they? Talking about, “I took you to the movies. We dined at Oriental Hotel. I paid for everything! I even bought you a spa treat. And now you call me ‘buddy’ like I’m just another friend?” Eeeerrrmm… ok, now I’m confused. Aren’t you just another friend? And what else am I supposed to call you? Daddy? What if I told you that being nice to a girl doesn’t obligate her to be romantically interested in you?
Now here’s the deal. I know he likes me. I know he thinks our outings were dates. I know they weren’t dates. I also know that they will never metamorphose into dates. But because I’m such a sweet and sensitive creature, I acted dumb. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, bruise his ego or make him feel rejected. So I chose to hang out with him even when I didn’t see him “that way”. Yeah, I’m selfless like that.
Sometimes he dramatically made it obvious that he wanted to be more than friends. Then I’d pretend to be clueless and act like all the while, I thought all he wanted was to be just friends too. Gosh! You coulda fooled me!
I know… it’s a bit hard to explain. But in my defense, it really wasn’t my intention to be manipulative and I wasn’t in it for free drinks – obviously, I can buy my own drinks. I do this because this is what nice girls do. We don’t go around breaking hearts. It all seemed to be a nicer way of handling things rather than telling him bluntly “No, I don’t want to go out with you. No, I am not attracted to you. And no, I don’t think you are cute”. I know better than going around hurting people’s feelings. Like Mum would say, if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing. Since I’m not one to be mute, I came up with “hey, it’s just a friendly drink, right? Ok. Let’s do it”. This way, I can avoid being the devil’s advocate who rejected him before “getting to know him better”. Mum raised me better than that. So l went out with him, had a good laugh, and when he insisted on doing it again, Yes, I was his guest. That doesn’t mean I lead him on, does it? No. It simply means I have way too much respect for him as a person to want to hurt his ego like that.
After hanging out with a guy who I realize I’m not in the least attracted to, I usually stop contacting him and hope he takes a hint. For some guys, this takes a while. For some special ones, it takes longer. Sometimes you may have to throw in a few ‘harsh words’. Sadly though, even at that, some very special ones never get it! And I mean NEVER!! When he contacts me, I give a polite simple and monosyllabic response. But surprisingly, I’ve come to find that not a lot of guys understand that if I keep telling you I’m busy for weeks on end, chances are I’m just not that into you! Yes, I try to be cryptic. Yes, I act indifferent and I try not to act desperate sometimes, but I won’t keep avoiding you if I really like you, would I? Take a hint mehn!
Bottom line… If you want to be friends, let’s be friends. If you find yourself nursing feelings, express yourself. If your feelings don’t get reciprocated, don’t get mad. And please if you decide to stick around, don’t do so keeping faith that someday I’d change my mind. I probably won’t.
You’ve been friend zoned ‘buddy’. And it’s is not a test of patience. It’s not a challenge. It’s not a waiting game. I know when I want to be more than friends. You’ll know too. It usually doesn’t take too much convincing. And if that’s the case, I assure you, the word “buddy” wont be common place.
Bespectacled 