But is it just Tracey or have you ever found yourself in a pseudo relationship where you act like you are ‘the one’ but you know damn well that you really aren’t? You know those sort of situations where you find yourself doing things for ‘him’ that girlfriends do and at his convenience, he does ‘certain’ things for you that boyfriends do. Well, except you both know he is not your boyfriend. Yet you continue playing house and keep telling yourself it’s better than nothing and someday things will change. But there’s no denying the fact that you know deep down within you that it probably will never happen. But that doesn’t stop you, does it?
Now your life revolves around him however, his words and actions clearly indicate that he has absolutely no intentions of being anything more than friends with benefits. And even when your head, sixth sense, intuition, instincts and everything remotely logical within you tell you to act within the limits of your boundaries, you don’t. Then tragedy strikes. The honeymoon is over. He made up with his girlfriend. Then comes the disastrous break-up! But it really isn’t a break-up, is it? Because he really isn’t your boyfriend. Is he?
So tell me, why are you so mad at him? Shouldn’t you be mad at you? After all, he didn’t ask for the spare keys to your house. Girl, you offered it to him. He didn’t ask to move in with you. You made him forget his stuff so many times that he had forgotten an entire wardrobe at yours. Plus you had thrown so many sleep over parties that he might as well just move in. Then you include his laundry to your laundry plan to justify the bill or is that just what you tell yourself? After all, you never really use up your ’70 items of clothing a month’ limit. You stock up your fridge with stuff you don’t eat, just in case you have visitors. Funny how these items end up being his favourite food stuff. Such coincidence! When you go shopping, things like boxers and aftershaves end up in your trolley, because you never know when your brothers might decide to sleep over. How cute! Suddenly, you who used to detest football, now subscribe to the DSTV Premium bouquet because according to you, football is now your thing. Not like you can afford it o, but you pay for it anyway. And there had better be utter silence when his game or favourite show is on. He makes no contribution to your rent yet he has his side of your the bed which is strictly out of bounds to you. Your clothes better not be in his side of your the wardrobe and of course he has total dominion over the remote controls. So homeboy drives your car even more than you do and guess who fuels it? That’s right. You. Apparently that’s not bad enough because you let him sweet talk you into granting him access to your debit cards, talking about ‘baby, your money is my money’. Not forgetting how you go skinny dipping with him because suddenly you are now latex intolerant. Yeah… keep telling yourself that!
After all said and done, in no way does any of this commit him to you. And just because you are the one crying doesn’t make you the victim. But you are too scared to let go because some other girl already has him some other girl might get him. You probably should have listened when he consistently told you that he’s still with her, however, he just needs some space to clear his head. Shoot! Was that space you?
I understand it’s not entirely your fault. He was like an addiction, right? Your guilty pleasure and for some reason you just couldn’t shake him off, could you? Even more pathetic is the fact that all this you did for a less than average guy doing less than average guy things like sagging his trousers, walking with swagger staggering and grabbing his crotch when he walks. Living off you and thinking with his d**k. One of those men who act like boys but for some reason, we still call men.
So what’s the deal with you? Is this you settling? Have you refused to live up to your potential? Or are you just a less than average chic doing less than average chic things? Competing with alcohol, weed, clubs, football, video games and other women. A million things to lose and not a single thing to gain.
Yeah I know. When he hit it, he wrote his name on it. And when he put his head in it, you put your soul to it. So yeah, I appreciate your story and I’m with you. I’m not even trying to rub it in your face or anything like that. But baby, suck it up! You are not his mother. And hell no! Your money IS NOT his money. Are you kidding me??!!! If the boy wants a free car and catered accommodation, redirect him to his momma! Get your act together sweetie and let this be the last time you give your all to a guy who has no love for you.