I’m just not that into you…


First and foremost, I better confess that I have nothing especially noteworthy to say today. Alright then. Now that that’s out of the way… I’ll just quickly rant about the weird “why can’t we just be friends” conversations that have recurred a bit more often than not these past few days.

Caution Alert

Oh dear…. is it just me or does anyone else want to scream out loud to a certain person “Dude, don’t you get it? I said I just want to be friends! Good old platonic, no strings attached friends… nothing more!”

But they don’t get it, do they? That nothing they say or do can change your mind and regardless of how many times they ask the question, “what do you want from me?”, the answer will always remain, “I just want to be friends” and perhaps in addition to that “I also wish you’d accept that fact and be my friend with no hidden agenda or walk away if you can’t withstand the heartache of being just friends yet always wanting more”. In fact, to be completely honest with you, I’m totally uninterested in being your friend but since you are hell bent on lurking around, out of the goodness of my heart, I will offer some of my attention.

Lets Just be Friends

Sucks right? Yeah… I know… I’ve been there too.

Only a few things are more uncomfortable than hanging out with someone who keeps trying to “take things to the next level”. Especially after making it crystal clear that romance is not on the menu. However, if you insist on hanging around and listening to me rant about my ex-boyfriend and next-boyfriend drama, well… here’s some popcorn!


So I hung out with him a couple of times, I’m courteous to him, I even go out of my way to be nice to him sometimes. However, I don’t want to cross the line. I just want to be friends. That doesn’t make me a bitch. I’m just a very nice girl who probably likes him but for some reason, it just doesn’t feel right.

Its complicated

My homeboy just doesn’t get it. I have engraved the writings on the wall a couple of times, with high hopes that he’ll get the message and act accordingly. Guys usually get pissed off by that, don’t they? Talking about, “I took you to the movies. We dined at Oriental Hotel. I paid for everything! I even bought you a spa treat. And now you call me ‘buddy’ like I’m just another friend?” Eeeerrrmm… ok, now I’m confused. Aren’t you just another friend? And what else am I supposed to call you? Daddy? What if I told you that being nice to a girl doesn’t obligate her to be romantically interested in you?

Call me brother

Now here’s the deal. I know he likes me. I know he thinks our outings were dates. I know they weren’t dates. I also know that they will never metamorphose into dates. But because I’m such a sweet and sensitive creature, I acted dumb. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, bruise his ego or make him feel rejected. So I chose to hang out with him even when I didn’t see him “that way”. Yeah, I’m selfless like that.

When a woman has a close friend

Sometimes he dramatically made it obvious that he wanted to be more than friends. Then I’d pretend to be clueless and act like all the while, I thought all he wanted was to be just friends too. Gosh! You coulda fooled me!

lets be more than friends

I know… it’s a bit hard to explain. But in my defense, it really wasn’t my intention to be manipulative and I wasn’t in it for free drinks – obviously, I can buy my own drinks. I do this because this is what nice girls do. We don’t go around breaking hearts. It all seemed to be a nicer way of handling things rather than telling him bluntly “No, I don’t want to go out with you. No, I am not attracted to you. And no, I don’t think you are cute”. I know better than going around hurting people’s feelings. Like Mum would say, if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing. Since I’m not one to be mute, I came up with “hey, it’s just a friendly drink, right? Ok. Let’s do it”. This way, I can avoid being the devil’s advocate who rejected him before “getting to know him better”. Mum raised me better than that. So l went out with him, had a good laugh, and when he insisted on doing it again, Yes, I was his guest. That doesn’t mean I lead him on, does it? No. It simply means I have way too much respect for him as a person to want to hurt his ego like that.

we lie because you can't handle the truth

After hanging out with a guy who I realize I’m not in the least attracted to, I usually stop contacting him and hope he takes a hint. For some guys, this takes a while. For some special ones, it takes longer. Sometimes you may have to throw in a few ‘harsh words’. Sadly though, even at that, some very special ones never get it! And I mean NEVER!! When he contacts me, I give a polite simple and monosyllabic response. But surprisingly, I’ve come to find that not a lot of guys understand that if I keep telling you I’m busy for weeks on end, chances are I’m just not that into you! Yes, I try to be cryptic. Yes, I act indifferent and I try not to act desperate sometimes, but I won’t keep avoiding you if I really like you, would I? Take a hint mehn!


Bottom line… If you want to be friends, let’s be friends. If you find yourself nursing feelings, express yourself. If your feelings don’t get reciprocated, don’t get mad. And please if you decide to stick around, don’t do so keeping faith that someday I’d change my mind.  I probably won’t.

friend zone better than nothing

You’ve been friend zoned ‘buddy’. And it’s is not a test of patience. It’s not a challenge. It’s not a waiting game. I know when I want to be more than friends. You’ll know too. It usually doesn’t take too much convincing. And if that’s the case, I assure you, the word “buddy” wont be common place.


11 responses »

  1. Great post!
    Readin through, I thought, why not put this up in twitter. No, not as a link but as a bit by bit 140 words/tweet wit pictures too. Some buzz. Checked your TL & I. Sincerely. Ran. Quite inundated with posts-purely my opinion though:-)

  2. Hehehe. It’s hard to admit it sometimes, being friend-zoned. I guess we should get a hint when we get the silent treatment…but wait, we’re missing the higher realm of brother-sister zone in this stratification exercise…

  3. Hahaha! Friend zone. It’s nice to see these things from the woman’s perspective. If he doesn’t take a hint, I think being blunt would help. May hurt, but it gives you peace of mind.

  4. U weren’t in it for the free drinks, huh? Indeed!!!! But I think, being blunt is always the best option. Trust me. Don’t be nice. Be blunt.

  5. Sorry to say dis but from my own perspection, its only in Nigeria every guy wants a date with u even on ur first meeting, its so anoying, if u give them the chance of been ur friend the next tin they do is to ask for more than what u can give. I have experince so many cases where a guy meets with u and ask u out but u tell them its not possible becus u are in a relationship and they say” pls can we be friends?”. Wahooo there they go but the actual meaning of dat staement is pls” can we have secret date?”. Gush its sooo annoying!!!Its good to have the opposite sex as platonic friends especially when u are really in need of someone to talk to, give u advice and be there for u as a friend but its not possible here in Nigeria becus every guy interprete ur expression of good humour and kind gesture to be sexual attraction and for dat reason I don’t give room to casual relationship to boys becus for every thing they give to u they expect compensation with sex in return so am out. Be wise “if u don’t want to eat a meal then don’t taste it also do not fetch firewood into ur home becus u will be inviting the ants into ur home”. Am out girl!

  6. It’s funny how anytime I read a write-up like this, it’s always from the woman ranting. This happens to guys all the time and we just take it in our stride and find out who’s paying for the next round (of beer that is).

    Abegi, make una go siddon….. Barman! Answer me.

  7. Coincidentally, I tweeted earlier today that I would rather die than be stuck in a chick’s friendzone…….Its like watching porn with a chick (that is your friend ovbiously) and then she says you should leave that her boyfriend is coming now….Toju dis is Naija not Britain u don’t expect a naija boy to take a hint and leave if u don’t spell it out black and white for him in your mind u don’t wanna hurt him but in reality dats wat u re doing….but some guys sha if a girl says am not dat into u wat else do u want her to tell u again b4 u find ur square root do u want her to climb on top of 3rd mainland bridge and shout b4 u take a hint abeg jor make una leave me alone like John-paul said I tink I need a glass of beer now….

  8. Most interesting..best engaging write-up I’ve red all Year!…luv the tone and sarcasm (still LOL)!!!!

    PS: these pics are classic!

    …”some very special ones”..hehehehehehe

  9. Beautiful post. I think its easier when people just say exactly how they feel @ all times. Its noboby’s duty to protect anyone from the truth. I know its hard saying to someone that you aren’t into them but the truth is, no matter how deep a heart is cut, it would heal itself. I am guilty of this attitude of wriggling out of expressing my true feelings too, but i am beginning to realise it always comes back someday to look you in the face.

  10. I absolutely love your post. Lol.. My sister and I were just talking about this last night. Some guys do not just get it. And it is really annoying. Most of them think we are playing hard to get.

    If fun being a lady ..lol.. the things we see.. lol

  11. Pingback: Brother, Thou Art Loosed! | Bespectacled

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