Carpe diem!

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If you were waiting for a sign this is itI have never been the adventurous type and I have to admit that social gatherings scare me. I should definitely go out more. If I weren’t such a lightweight, perhaps drink a little bit more. I know I should. I should go out and meet people and not just stay home on a Friday night, right? Pathetic me!

I wait to do everything. I am exceedingly good at procrastinating and finding excuses to wait, giving reasons to wait and just doing nothing… waiting. I more often than not never want to do anything NOW.

I wait to return calls from friends and family. I wait to call friends I miss. The ones I love the most and the ones I’ve loved the longest. The friends I have failed to keep in touch with, yet make attempts to stay in touch with me. Basically I suck at keeping up with people, and having the worst phone habit on the planet doesn’t help. I assume I will have plenty of time to do so, so I wait.

I wait to tell people how I really feel. I’ll just wait, maybe soon it will be safer to confess. Maybe he will feel the same someday and tell me. Maybe he already does and is planning to tell me or maybe he just isn’t sure how to. I’m not exactly the most approachable person, you know. Maybe he’ll take a hint. I’m sure he’s not daft. Besides the fact that I hate confrontation, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, I know how rejection feels. Since I’m such a nice and sensitive person, I’ll just keep mum and hope they read the writing on the wall.

I wait to forgive people who hurt me. They should reach out first, after all it was not my fault. I’m not the one to blame. I’d never break the ice. Why do I have to take responsibility? So I wait.

I wait to apologize for the things I’ve done wrong. I’m way too stubborn and I let pride get in the way. Sometimes I’m too ashamed to admit my fault. She’ll think I’m weak and I definitely can’t have that.

And then it hit me that at this rate, I’ll probably spend the rest of my life making excuses. Holding off everything until a better time. Sometimes the time never comes. Just like I never got the chance to tell my best friend Eris that he was the reason I didn’t fall into depression while I was at university. I never told him how much it meant to me that he never forgot me on Valentine’s Day and I definitely never told him how much I love, admired and respected him and how much I appreciate all the things he did for me.

You know what they say, ‘had I known comes at last’. I cannot recall a time when in a person’s final moments, he or she said something like, I wish I waited longer. I wish I had put that off a bit more. I wish I stayed angry a bit longer. I wish I never forgave you. Please tell my mother I hate her.

That being said, the plan is to appreciate the ones I love NOW instead of letting life get in the way and letting myself get distracted with the numerous activities and worries of everyday life. I can be brave in expressing my thoughts and feelings. I do not have to over analyze things and talk myself out of being logical. Why not now when I have the chance?

Now is my chance to live and love. This moment is my only guaranteed opportunity to be thoughtful, compassionate, understanding, forgiving, supportive and appreciative of the people I hold dear.

Sometimes it’s terrifying. Sometimes it requires more humility than I am willing to spare. Especially as swallowing my pride doesn’t come easy to me. Sometimes I convince myself that it’s not a priority. But why build up reasons to regret?

So what have you been meaning to say? What have you been meaning to do? What are you waiting for?

–    Are you waiting for permission? I give you permission. Now give yourself permission and go!

–    Is money the problem? Ok… I can’t help you here. But where is your financial plan? Start one today. Right now.

–    Are you waiting to lose weight? Put the carbs down. Pick up some vegies. Exercise. Switch the coke for water. Drop the cigarettes. Stop hanging out with Andre, Moet, Jack and Johnny.

–    Issues with your relationship? Pick up the phone. Request a meeting. Write a letter of all the things you need to say. Communication will set you free. It will be ok.

–    Is your energy level low? Take up dancing. Go swimming. Take a zumba class. Join a gym. Don’t just sit there. Move!

–    Is it your health? See a doctor. Get some help. Do a lifestyle overhaul.

–    Are you lonely? Find an event and ensure you attend. Volunteer. Go out. Meet people. It might be hard the first time but it gets easier, trust me.

After all said and done, it’s not like you have to take a trip to the moon or feed 5,000 people. But if you wanted to do that too… well… nothing is impossible. Go for it!

What are you waiting for?

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11 responses »

  1. This is nice….I usually don’t comment on blogs but I guess its time to ask myself what I was wait for….dat said nice piece Toju keep it up.

  2. Nice one TJ. After reading this you know one thing I think I need to start doing more? Writing. There’s nothing like being able to put your thoughts on paper.. It clarifies a lot of things and helps you know & make yourself better.
    But you’re not just doing that, you’re also sharing it with the world. Which is great! Keep it up 🙂

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